As some of you may know, I had recently written a short story to submit to an online publisher that was having a special themed magazine in mind and were accepting short story submissions of the post-apocalyptic genre. Of course, this was a struggle for me because apocalyptic stories of any kind are not my strong-suit, as I am usually more character-focused than world-focused. It was also stressful because I had never written a story outside of my genre in only two weeks, which is all the time I had before the deadline. (I only found out after I had submitted that the deadline was pushed back. Sure, I was angry, but I apparently work well under pressure, so hurray for that!)
Nonetheless, with many factors working against me, I made it work. While the story I turned out is of the apocalyptic persuasion, I still crafted it to be the Gothic literature that I know and love. In fact, the ending was so cruel that it even made me, the writer, tear up a bit. It was perfect.
However, I didn't feel that way for long. Many writers go through this stage of thinking that their work is crap after they have already submitted it and can make no further changes to it. Not to mention the fact that I have to wait on a response, whether positive or negative, for about five months. Five months! That is such an agonizingly long wait. I would really like the response to be affirmative so that I can have a publication under my belt that is my work alone. (I have only previously published a comic book that I only co-write and an article about steampunk, but none of my own stories have been professionally published.)
The other sad thing about this is that I expended so much creative energy trying to push that story out in two weeks that, when I attempt to work on some of the other stories I have planned, nothing good comes out of it. I was working on a children's book that I wanted to be a picture book, but now I'm thinking of restarting it as a chapter book because I can't seem to get the plot going fast enough for such a young audience. I know that it is a petty complaint, but I want to branch out a bit more with age groups because most of what I have produced so far can only be enjoyed by young adults or full-grown adults, but I enjoy reading children's books the most, so it would make sense for me to write for that audience, right?
In short, waiting for a response back about one story is making me doubt my ability to write other stories. It is not like this is the first time I've ever submitted something. In fact, I have tried to publish two other short stories and three poems before, all to no avail. However, for some reason, this one is hitting me hard. I have a feeling that it has something to do with the fact that I have been joining in on writers' groups and meetings lately, and it seems like everyone is published except for me. I don't want to be trailing behind the group, floundering in a world that I can't seem to break in to. I want people to recognize that I have talent, too. Maybe that request is a little selfish... but it would be nice to be able to share my creations with many people in a way that will also allow me to pay off my student debt.
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